You know, I really only think drinking is a problem if you're not good at it.
Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
i tried slipping money on her dresser whenever she brings guys home hoping she'll start to question her goals in life... i think its only encouraging her
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
All I know, is I had green sex and beer and got driven home. That's it.
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
We met up and made out in front of an empanada spot, if that's not romance then idk what is.
It's not a walk of shame if you run
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
Grabbed the cop's ass and he still arrested Heather instead. Victory is mine!!
Randomize
