she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
Just had sex in the room next to my parents. Heading back to school ASAP.
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
Randomize
