Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
we found him. outside on the balcony, sitting on a bucket, with his pants off, swearing he was'nt taking a dump
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
Pretty sure when I woke up the next morning we were still fucking. It just didn't stop.
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
HELL YEAH TIME TO KICK THE CHILDREN
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
please god let this picture I just uploaded not have my vagina in it
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