eric is really sick so I'm taking care of him! :(
just blow him with soup in your mouth.
Its not even 10am and we are talking about what guys assholes we would finger.
Gave the kid in the wheelchair at the bus stop a beer and proceede to lift him on the bus. porch drinking brings out the best in everyone
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
Would 7 layered rainbow jello shots entice you?
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
Randomize
