I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
It was worse than when we pepper-sprayed my dick. I feel mislead.
He had a curved dick....must be a european thing
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
Carpeing THE FUCK out of that diem
I think I'm in love. He's everything I ever wanted for myself, just with a lot more drugs.
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
I just do things that aren't classy the classy way.
is it sad that a disney movie is making me horny?
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
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