I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
I don't think i can handle my uncle say again that kid rock is a true musician....
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
yea, their son has been arrested on more than one occassion, their daughter is pregnant and their other daughter graduated but she was adopted, so clearly genes are everything.
I think they were making kool-aid in my bed. There is lots of sugar and my hands and face are stained blue.
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
Let me know. Show me one boob if yes. 2 if no
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
Randomize
