omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
The feeling are messing with the penis
It got quiet and we all stood around and opened the box and I've never seen so many burritos in my life man. it was fucking biblical.
MY WHOLE FAMLY IS TALKING ABOUT MY BUTT
WAIT I'M COMING I WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT TOO
Life lesson 8263 if drinking a beer in the shower be careful when shampooing... Tresemme flavored rolling rock sucks
Randomize
