Well, he sent me "techno kitty adventure" about 10 minutes ago. So, he could be anywhere.
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
I HOPE YOURE READY TO KICK SOME SERIOUS ASS AT TRIVIA NIGHT TOMORROW NIGHT. also, i hope the birth of your niece goes well. BUT MOSTLY TRIVIA NIGHT.
I mean thanks for the bj but i wanna forget everything that happened last night between 11 and 5
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
If I die, sorry about rent.
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
Randomize
