but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
hey your mom heard me say to her " That right your not going to Shit right for a month"
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
And after we debated politics. My dream come true: naked, just got done having great sex with a hot mixed guy, talking about why social welfare programs are a bad idea
u kept repeating to itself "hot cheetos and nacho cheese sauce.."
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
Randomize
