Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
Sometimes I get depressed that my son is too young to understand how hot his babysitter is.
As soon as I saw the video camera and red light on, I started rolling my eyes when he would put it in me and telling him maybe his dick was too small cause I didn't feel anything...trust me that tape is going nowhere
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
The only flat surface we had was a cheez it box so we snorted the blow off of that. Rock bottom really isn't that bad.
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
It was 16 hours of liver killing mistake making goodness
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
Randomize
