so chris just stuck his hand between rachel's legs and yelled 'TROUT!' and we were like...you're wasted
Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving.
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
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