Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
oh but the power of the cock will take you to places you never been..i flew to hawaii once to sleep witha chick
She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
Randomize
