Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
Things he has managed to cum on so far on spring break: my bikini, my back-up bikini, three of my four bras, two pairs of panties, four beds, six chairs, the floor of several hotel rooms, the window/door to the balcony from both sides, my tits, my face, my stomach, his stomach, my ass, his best friend's girlfriend's face, and his best friend's dick.
Just FYI spring break is over and you're supposed to be back in class but hey sounds like you had your orgy so congrats.
I kinda wanna drive through the Gator bar parking lot and seeing if my panties are on they ground, they should be right next to my pride...
it was the kind of sex that I don't even know how my hair extentions are still in
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
Randomize
