We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
i realized boys travel in groups of 3's and girls travel in 4's..thats why it gets so tricky
like hot dogs and buns.
stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
Well, she chose the fuckboy life or the life chose her. Not sure which one but either way I don't need that negativity in my life.
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
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