You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
she is the kim kardashian of front butts
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
Biggest penis I've ever pity fucked
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
this potential sugar daddy just sent me a photo of him butt naked in the woods saying he wants to "grow our spirits together." so i think i found us a new drug dealer!
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
Randomize
