Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
THIS IS SO HOT. BYE PANTIES.
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
It's a shame things ended how they did. We were well on our way to transforming from acquaintances with benefits to friends with benefits.
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
Randomize
