I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
I just watched a video of Justin Bieber kissing a girl..... the sad thing is that I actually got upset.
he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
Stop it with the monkey emojis. It's like sexting with Curious George
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
Randomize
