I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
Yeah she is in it for the money, wait til she finds out i am broke and the sex doesnt get better
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
Vegas should really enforce the buddy system because if not everyone is going to end up swimming during the water show in front of the Bellagio.
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
trying to figure out what happened last night by looking around the apartment.
naked man under the piano. THE PLOT THICKENS.
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
Randomize
