If you borrow your friends real doll, should you wear a condom?
He left the bathroom door open so i would hear him masturbate in the shower to make me feel guilty for not putting out but it just turned me on cause i like guys masturbating. weird?
i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
Just facebooked the guy whose name you're yelling in there. So you're aware, his interests include "swearing at babies" and "Ice luge"
He fucked volume into my hair. It was amazing.
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
Just fell out of the attic onto the garage floor. Okay but might go for an x ray. Smashed one of the kitchen drawers to bits.
Holy Shit Mom
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
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