My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
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