Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
I miss the smell of you or some shit.
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
On the one year anniversary of me loosing my virginity... thousands of people will be taking their pants of on subways all around the world
It's like a tribute to you being a slut
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
Anyhow. He gives me orgasms and cuddles and buys me dinner and alcohol. Ill keep him around and cross that other girl bridge when we get there ha ha
Randomize
