Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
Now there are nude photos of that bangin hot Russian spy chick...this is officially the best scandal ever.
Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
Weer fine. went to buiy cigxs, but hes theonly one waering shoes. He caem out wti chicke fingers instead. whatecer, there th 8 dollar kind.
My dad got me a charm braclet....his way of trying to support my gayness....
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
Just so you know. And I'm telling you this because I care deeply for you. Blue raspberry poptarts taste exactly the same as the regular raspberry ones.
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
Randomize
