At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
she's like bobby knight all she does is scream and point
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
I wonder if you can snort coke upside down
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
I dnt think she needs convincing on the threesome part, it's the threesome with your roommate situation that needs some work
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
I have a black eye again and dont know why again
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
Randomize
