I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
dude she has hot friends.. do you want blonde brunette or red head.. maybe asian?
what is this build-a-bear? .. just gimme one thats breathing
While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
He got tattooed, peirced, and we're pretty sure he got rufeed by that fat chick. He was like a walking spring break stereotype.
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
We did it to 80's cardio music. Talk about a workout.
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
I like to make sure they know it's casual by giving then a high five after sex
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