Dude?? where did you go after Wildcats last night? Last I heard you went off with one of the girls we danced with?
Negative - This is his GF, Bobby is in Jail for a DUI. Thanks for the info.
youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
We removed her tutu and her cape, so there's no risk of her strangling herself.
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
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