My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
Housing came buy and confiscated our shopping cart :(
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
Attn: you have now used your free, one time admission to pleasure town. Thank you for visiting I hope you enjoyed your trip. All future trips to P.T. Will cost you full admission price. We have different pricing plans to accommodate different situations, and remember it is more of a bartering system than a set price. Your patronage is always welcomed and once again thank you for visiting and have a fantastic evening.
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
Is she okay?
She may want to issue revenge punches, but medically fine.
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
He usually doesnt care about me cumming but last night he really tried, I feel that him going to the Womens March benefitted my sex life
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
Randomize
