We had like 4 guys come over and buy us all drinks as an excuse to hit on Kendra. Hanging out with her is now officially fiscally responsible.
I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
let's remember the whole point of NYE: to drink antisocial amounts of antisocial drinks, become incoherent, ruin a carpet, talk to a tree, wake up with head sellotaped to toilet. The where/how is superfluous, my vote goes to a cupboard and a bottle of jaeger Questions?
my grandpa is going down the line on this prom picture, and telling me how big everyone's nipples are... he was spot on for me.
I'm looking at some sugar baby profiles to get some insight on what we're up against.
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
If by whore you mean UPGRADE....then yes I am
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
Randomize
