we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
He took naked pictures of me and told me if I ever got to the Disney Channel level of fame he would help me out. I think i'm in love
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
A nice make out session never hurt anyone. Plus he's a pilot, so he'll know the safety procedures for when the night crashes and burns.
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
You told everyone to shut up then told the officer that you are 21 when you drink.
Is that strawberry winking at me??
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
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