I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
so i turned around to do some reverse cowgirl when he said that this was such a better visual for him. Bad compliment or serious insult. i cant tell
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
Randomize
