You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
I don't know if this beer pong partnership can last if you refuse to look me in the eye when we make sweet sweet clutch cup at the same time.
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
Is she okay?
She may want to issue revenge punches, but medically fine.
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
Randomize
