saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
She may be a slut, but at least she's a dedicated slut. She's always super tan and has her shit shaved in really cool designs.
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
I am honored my friend, to hold the decision of what enters your body
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
He's all enlightened and liberal. My next beefcake will be much more Neanderthal.
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
Kyle passed out in the tub after breaking a glass and shouting, "WHAT ASSHOLE GAVE ME A GLASS?" His girlfriend gave it to him...
He tried to eat me out...through my pants.
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
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