I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
Dude she has a fucking rock collection. Never will I ever talk to her again.
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
I don't know if I want to cry scream puke or go somewhere and drink more. This is such a weird emotion.
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
He's just giving off this "someone be a bitch to me" vibe
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
I would rather contract a disease that would eat me from the inside out and make me suffer painfully while it slowly killed me than to put myself through the 20 minutes of agony that is having sex with you ever ever again.
I think you're talking dirty but I'm not sure???
Randomize
