i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
its 4th on my favorites list. 1. butt sex 2. mini skirts 3. three meat pizza rolls 4. fuck the pain away by peaches
Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
My meds have diminished my sex drive, this must be what regular women feel like
We haven't even scratched the surface on the damage we could do. Just saying
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
The kid with the ed hardy shirt put a bunch of random shit in the washer and turned it on. example: a hanger, the movie Chocolate with Johnny Depp, and your mom's cat
Randomize
