We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
never have i ever had a craving for dick this badly
I just found 22 drunken videos and 4 naked pictures on my phone. We'll start the bidding at $5
you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
Just got done reading an 11 page essay for class. Took me three fucking days and the only thing I have highlighted is the name "Alexander Cockburn"
No, the sea-green pills were klonopin, the bright blue ones are adderall. you're probably going to have to adjust your plans for the day.
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
Haha yeah this costume is worse than I imagined. I look more like a gothic hooker who caters specifically to creepy men with doll fetishes
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
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