Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
Its become more of a routine.. Whenever I get done eating and have left overs I just take it over to his house and throw it all over the walls and windows. Pay backs a bitch ehhhh
I feel like just to watch it, I need to be high. To understand it, I'd need enough drugs to kill an elephant.
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
Randomize
