I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
And now we have yet another reason to never travel to Detroit
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
It will pretty much be equal to the feeling I had when you let me hold your dick while you were peeing, or when I graduated high school!
Randomize
