never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
i am risking my non lesbian vagina for your needs. i better be the best friend you ever had
Randomize
