We should write a comic book about the many adventures of your vagina. Maybe even give it a cape or something.
I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
I'm in Burlington Coat Factory. This place'd be great if you were on E. There're so many textures...
I'm kinda hoping that if I rub the right object, a genie will come out
threw up outside of the dorms in the parking lot in the pouring rain on the first day of class, i'd say summer is off to a good start.
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
the liver wants what the liver wants
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
i cant hook up i'm covered in egg rolls
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
Randomize
