you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
All I remember is taking a bath, puking in the bath water numerous times while trying to wash myself and I must of eventually given up
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
Randomize
