drug dealer added me on facebook, win ?
omg no way im finding him!
he has no pics of his face, and im always drunk so i cant remember if hes cute or not, but he told me im in his phone as "party girl" which is fitting i guess cause im dragging my hungover ass to buy preggo tests, and i had to get the cheap ones cause i blew all my cash on coke.
Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
i was trying to give him roadhead and my tits kept knocking his cheap shifter into neutral...was the first time my tits have ever cock blocked me
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
Steve brought 6 joints and 2 bottles of makers mark, Josh shat himself in the pool, and Amy blew me. Hope that extra 3 dollars an hour for working overnights is still worth it.
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
let me just take this time to thank you again for buying pudding.
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