We drank from noon till 5 am, there was adderall and nice jews involved it was just crazy
I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
She's hot, in a Megan Fox with Down's Syndrome kinda way. Like, she'd win Miss Deliverance Pageant
At least she's the hottest one. Oh well, it's all about stats
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
I imagine my service panda will provide sufficient protection. At the very least it will be an irresistible cuddly distraction while I make good my escape.
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
Maybe not Elvis quality pharmaceuticals...But some good stuff
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
Randomize
