He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
I've hooked up with six guys in my ethics class next semester...I feel like I've failed already
okay, this game isn't funny anymore. tell us where all the forks are.
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
tell raye i said hi and sorry for bleeding on the limes
Randomize
