If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
i was thoroughly upset that he did not want to be my number 16, who passes that number up?
threw up in the library. i should be embarrassed, but i'm willing to bet that i'm one of the first so i'm kinda proud.
nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
Randomize
