I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
I'm either watching Fifth Element or Hotel Rwanda. There's black people and white people and high life tall boy 18 packs are $11.99 so I could be watching my own hand. I have no idea.
Judging that there's a photo of me getting head while sitting on a graveyard tombstone.....not good.
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
Ohmygod. I don't know if I can explain how great it'll be. I hope you don't mind Subaru sex
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
I'm using her Instagram as a way to know where in town she is so I can avoid her lol
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
Sometimes I get confused on who I really actually know and who's lives I just know everything about via internet. Its a fine line
Randomize
