I'm not a pervert.. I just like to be naked...
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
Gees I domt know what your deal was. You kept looking at Nick and shaking your head frantically and doing a weird motion with your hands
Tgat was the small dick alert
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
Why is there bacon in the couch?
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
Randomize
