dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
NASCAR RACE 2010 NO REGRETZZZ!!!
It is literally 8 in the morning.
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
Saw you fall down on Jefferson and a cop drove by and shook his head. How you didnt get arrested after the party you went to on saturday is beyond me.
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
How did I get home last night?
We put your keys on a lanyard that asked anyone that found you to bring you home. A nice man in a cape, green shorts and a mesh shirt dropped you off this morning.
Oh. Yeah. Riiiggghhht
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
Randomize
