Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
At victory brunch. Have a decent story. Im now eskimo brother with the duke mens basketball teams from 2002 to 2008 and obamas right hand man
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
Just start grabbing cocks. It can't go wrong! Just say you thought you knew him and wanted to check.
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
I was looking up travel destinations and somehow I ended up reading Paul's first letter to the Corinthians. I need to start going to church high...
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
I mean you're asking high Chelsea. I'd sell myself for a rice crispy
He screamed, "Let there be light!" when he came
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
Randomize
