saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
Our nipples touched last night. It was tender.
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
Your amazing boobs made me fall in love with boobs. I never cared about boobs you should be proud
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