The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
Sometimes I find that I've been touching my boob(s) without even realizing it.
just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
What sexual position says im sorry for your loss?
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
Randomize
