Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
see these eyes, they just want to bone and go to sleep.
I'm making him come over again tonight. I don't know how long this thing will last so I want to spend as much time with his dick as possible.
if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
I've been wearing the same clothes for 3 days and they're covered in franzia
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
Randomize
